System Breakdown

After the first time it happened... everything changed! I was coaching boy's high school basketball and was about to discipline a sophomore for repeatedly making the same mistake over and over again. To the untrained eye, it appeared he was just being lazy, uncaring, and lacked focus. And it seemed he had little motivation to change. This young man was a talented athlete which made the situation even more confusing. I'd disciplined another player (made him run sprints) the day before for the same lackadaisical effort and he'd quickly responded with much better concentration. I was about to treat this second player in the same way when that still, small voice inside said: "Stop." I'm a prayerful man and I put God in charge of everything I do. I dedicated this season to Him and asked that each player under my guidance would mature into a young man of character and excellence (Please know that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. I do -- and way too often for my liking). I've come to recognize that still, small voice over many years of being in God, the Father's School as God wanting to direct me (Psalm 32:8). I waited to react to the player's repeated mistakes & consistently poor attitude and listened to the inner voice. "You don't know what this boy's life is like at home. He gets yelled at all the time, by his older brother & especially from his dad, and is never praised for doing anything well. I want you to go over to him, put your arm around him, and tell him how talented he is and what a great player he can become. And I want you to tell him that you are committed to helping him achieve his dreams in basketball and in life." I'm not one to argue with God -- at least not now -- after having learned after forty years of walking with Him that He truly does always know best. I did what He said -- and the change in that young man was instantaneous and obvious. Gone were the slumped shoulders and self-condemnation. A smile slowly lit up his face and he stood up taller. He then attacked the drill again and his focus & performance was radically better. Best of all, we began a deeper friendship right then that I believe paved the way for him to continue to receive instruction from me about athletics -- and more importantly -- about life and becoming a man of character and excellence. And I learned a most valuable lesson. Never apply a system or a model of behavior to fathering, mentoring, coaching, teaching or discipling. They will eventually break down and you might leave significant damage behind. I'd be devastated to arrive in Heaven and have God say: "You know that boy you coached -- he needed love in that moment -- not discipline -- because his dad was a dictator and a tyrant. You had a chance to make a real difference in his life, but sadly missed it." I try as hard as I can to first listen before I speak -- God, the Father knows all and He just may have some inside information that can help change a life for the good.