Is It About Me or Them?

This is Derek's First Post:
Thanks Rob for asking me to join in.
Having kids later in life is great! My forth is due in April (07) and I'm 53. I'm still adjusting. The other month while enjoying one of my regular quiet times with God, I felt an unusual thought land squarely between my ears. "It's less about you now and more about them."

Excuse me God. What? I am used to being the center of life. I'm used to being the apple of my daddy's eye. "You still are... and you've learned how to be a good son of mine. Now I want you to focus on being a good father to them." Honestly I felf a bit of rejection at that moment and I've still not adjusted to it.

I take turns saying to myself..."that wasn't God" or "hey I grew up without a dad and I'm still working on MY stuff."

Yeah right Derek. But when I started looking around to see how successful dads do things, it became clear.

There are two kinds of dads. Or should I say there are two kinds of hearts in dads.
One kind of heart still holds Dad's agenda and dad's life more sacred than creating life experiences for his kids. He is almost always too busy to give his kids FULL attention...even for 15 minutes. He has his routine when he gets home from work and the kids do not have a non-negotiable spot in it. He thinks that just being home reading the paper or watching TV is being WITH his kids. I think this is the part of me God was talking to when he spoke to me that day.

The other kind of dad has a heart that makes a conscious effort to enjoy his kids in specific ways. This doesn't mean his whole world revolves around the kids and making their life a constant parade of activities and experiences. For me, it's an intentional putting down my stuff, and focusing on them just for the fun of it. And this is happening by my initiative, not my wife's nagging or reminding. If my wife has to remind me then I'm not there yet.

I think for many dads this is a no-brainer, but for us guys who had no dad, or a workaholic dad or an absentee dad, we never saw it, so we don't know how to do it that well.

I've prayerfully decided to make specific times and activities non-negotiable times where it's all about them. Small stuff like playing trains with my son, or taking a walk with one of my daughters.

And big stuff too. For example, I've began including one of them on business trips when possible. Special dates like the Father - Daughter ball. And I'm devoting specific time to teach them how to pray or how to read the bible. The one-on-one time seems to mean so much to them. I'm a bit amazed actually. I guess because I never really had it myself so that part of me was kind of closed off or something.

Uh Oh! This picture reminds me that another Father-Daughter ball is almost here. Gotta go brush up on my ballroom dancing. See ya!
Derek